Dependent Upon God

These last few weeks have really showed me how dependent I am on God for every breath I take. As I relayed my week of troubles to a friend, I was sweetly reminded that it is in the difficult times when we truly become aware of Who it is that actually is holding us up and sustaining us. That said, I still strongly dislike times of dependency. I would much rather be able to go about my day in my own strength. I am like David who said,

"As for me, I said in my prosperity, 

'I shall never be moved.'

By Your favor, O Lord, 

You made my mountain stand strong;

You hid Your face;

I was dismayed."

(Psalm 30:6-7)

When God suddenly takes away your physical health, or when He decides that your car is going to stop working, or whatever it is that He takes from you, you quickly realize just how fragile you really are! But I do know this, if God never removed those things we heavily relied upon, we would continue to stumble along in what we consider to be our own great strength. It is because He loves us that He gives us trials to walk through. How would we ever remember who is actually holding us up if our lives were all sunshine and roses?

This verse really struck a cord with me these last weeks, as one thing after another kept falling apart. 

"God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency [contentment] in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." (2 Cor. 9:8)

When I first read this, it actually stopped me in my tracks and I was completely dumbfounded. Anyone who knows me in the slightest will know that I struggle with contentment. So for this verse to state that there is a real possibility for me to be given this all sufficiency (contentment), in every circumstance, no matter what season of life I am in, completely awes me! I read this over and over and finally was just honest with God, "I sure can't muster something up like that, but this says YOU ARE ABLE, so I am going to just have to TRUST You on this one!"

For a more clear context, this verse is describing the "cheerful giver", and let me just be honest, I found it a hard task to be a cheerful giver when it came to my daughter, in the midst of all these unfortunate circumstances. Indeed, as a mom, I found my strength depleted, and my fuse short. But what God showed me was that He is quite able to give me all the strength I need to be a good mom, even when I'm at my weakest. I just needed to ask Him. 

One of my friends, directed my attention towards Hannah's prayer (1 Samuel 1) this week. Which prompted me to truly pour out my burdens to God. Before this, I had been silent, thinking that He just wants me to get through these hard things and count it all joy! That was a completely wrong perception of what God is actually like. God already knows intimately what we are going through, but He desires to hear it from us. Hannah understood who God was, and wasn't concerned with her appearance as she came before Him, she simply laid it all out there. When we cry out to God, like Hannah did, I truly believe He is right there with us weeping along side of us. God is a Good Father who deeply cares for us. Just the fact that He asks us to lay our burden's upon Him is proof enough! Hannah came away from the presence of God, joyful! The Lord had taken her burdens and replaced them with utter joy! 

Something that makes the tiny trials and the big trials of life hard, is when we sometimes come out on the other side of them feeling defeated. I often have looked back and wished I would have handled a situation better than I did. I begin dwelling on where I failed and that's when guilt creeps in. This happened again to me this week. First of all, if this is something that you find yourself tending toward as well, it is so good to remember who you actually are in Christ Jesus. Ephesians lays it all out for us: We are His beloved children (5:1) and are lavished with His grace (1:7-8) . Once we are able to grasp hold of that truth, we are able to realize that "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1). I don't have to live with guilt, when I am covered with grace! And besides, we don't get to see all of the benefits of our trials in this life, but do know they are creating something so glorious, and not a single one is being wasted (2 Cor. 4:17).