Facing My Fears

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)

I’ve always known this about myself, but recently I’ve decided to face it straight on. I am anxious and fearful about many things. I’ve always had fears, but as of late, I’ve realized the impact that these fearful thought patterns have created in my mind. I would much rather have the peace, that Jesus speaks of, (which passes all understanding), and let that rule in my heart and my mind. But instead I've been consumed daily by fearful thoughts. 

The other day, I happened upon this little paragraph written by Frances De Sales:

“Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look to them with full hope, that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them.”

That is such a new concept for me! With the future being one of my biggest fears, this guy is saying that I shouldn’t begin to look ahead to the unknown with fear and trembling. Instead, I should look to the future with HOPE! It doesn’t matter what tomorrow has in store, because God (my light, my salvation, my stronghold) is on my side. Wow, now that is something for a person who struggles with anxiety to think about! 

The silly thing about fear is this, I am ultimately letting something that hasn’t even happened yet, to rule my life! Burdens which I don’t even have to carry are heavy upon my back. I am not saying that bad things don’t happen. We all have life experiences and even things we are walking through right now that are horribly awful. However, fear is ultimately an untruth! And when we give into it, we are living in bondage.

I found it helpful to sit down this week and make a list of fears which are foremost in my thoughts. Hopefully you can relate to some:

·        Finances

·        Death of a loved one

·        Sickness

·        the Future

I think the longer I live, the list of fears I can choose from gets longer. Some fears I have, are of things which I see happening to people around me; some fears are wondering if God will have me walk through difficult seasons of life. I just finished reading Jeremy Camp’s memoir, “I Still Believe” (a good book, which I definitely recommend, if you are into autobiographies). In it, he tells about the story of marrying his first wife, and watching her battle cancer, and after less than a few years together, having to say goodbye to her. In the last few chapters of the book, he addresses his fear of suffering (particularly with the thought of having another loved one dying). He personally knew how much painful it was to watch someone he deeply cared about, die. And He found himself anxiously hoping that God would not ask him to walk through this kind of season again. And although I can’t relate with his story, I can relate to his fears. 

The other day in the car with Brady, I mentioned to him that I sometimes think of what I will do if he dies. He had enough wisdom in that moment, to realize that was more than just an off handed comment, but an actual real life fear of mine, that I may have been letting consume me. He addressed me in my fear, and said that I really need to give that up to the Lord. (Thank You Lord, for him!) I often believe I won’t be strong enough to endure the suffering which God may wish to place upon me. But this verse comes to mind: 

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 1:6-7). 

All of our suffering has a purpose! And it comes back to the quote by Frances De Sales, I am not even supposed to be dwelling upon what tomorrow holds in the first place. My hope can lie in the thought that God is my Hope and my Light and Salvation.

Because of my fear of suffering, I try to prevent any form of suffering in my day to day life. I ponder all of the things which could go wrong, before I make a move. And instead of this working in my favor, I find a huge burden placed upon my shoulders, as I begin trying in vain, to calculate my own steps perfectly. Woah! Hold on, that is all backwards, I should be fixing my eyes on Jesus instead! Like the old hymn goes: 

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”

I will get so overwhelmed and will fail if I look to my own guidance and strength. But God will work through even my weakest moments and prove to be strong! It is an excellent place to be in, this place of need, to feel like you don’t have any strength to get through the day, because, it creates in you a greater dependency on the Lord!

To sum things up, a line from one of Jeremy Camp's songs really jumped out at me: 

"I come alive when I see beyond my fears". 

If we are living in fear, we are not experiencing everything that God has for us. We have been given so much, and even in the season's of our lives which may seem unbearable, God is making beauty out of the ashes! One day we will understand that all the pain had a profound purpose!