Confessions of Love

I can’t lie! I’ve had many “loves” over my 24 years of life. Each one steals my affection and my heart begins to unwind and wrap it’s vines around the width of it, sometimes succeeding, and other times falling, failing miserably to capture them and make them mine. But I don’t wish to dwell on any of those. Only one which has left an impression on my heart that I can’t quite shake. One that has left me begging for more. One that has left me completely fulfilled yet craving for much more. One has caused me to realize that it is impossible to own any of my “loves” completely. This one is just too enormous and too marvelous to get to the bottom of. This one, I will spend my whole life long trying to discover more of. This deep love I speak of is for the ocean.

It all began, when I was a small child. I can’t recall the first time I laid my eyes on the beautiful, majestic scene. I always had a love of water and rain and rivers, but with the ocean, the love went deeper. There was an awesome fascination with the rolling waves and the changing tides. My parent’s would take my brother and sister and I to the ocean, every Christmas break. Many of my fondest memories are at Jais Aben, a Madang resort, which lies directly off the shores of the clear, warm pacific ocean. My mind has an endless amount of fond memories stored up, of hour upon hour spent in canoes paddling through the turquoise waves, with the tropical sun shining down upon my sun kissed skin. Sand castles and beach combing for the perfect shell. Snorkeling above ocean towns full of shy clownfish hiding within their homes of sea anemones and eerie black eels gliding through their rainbow streets of coral. At the end of each day, us kids would fall into our beds completely exhausted yet so unbelievably content, with the hum of the ceiling fan above our heads and the soundtrack of the waves crashing upon the shores outside. As the ocean sang to us its lullaby, I would close my eyes and drift into the sweetest most peaceful sleep.

Everything about it leaves me in breathless wonder. The salty spray, the windblown hair, the peaceful sound of the crashing breakers, the million pieces of sands squished between my toes, and the gleam of the sun on the waves. I dreamt of living next to the ocean, every time it was time to get in the car and say goodbye to the coast, it would break my heart. You see, the ocean and I, as some say, “march to the same beat”, or as I like to say, “sing the same melody”. I remember the first time I realized that whenever I was near the ocean, inspiration instantly would flow from deep within me. A wonderful, beautiful thing, which I often wish for, but doesn’t come. If I was wondering the seashore I alone, nothing could stop my heart from bursting with song. If I sat perched upon a tree root above the water, feet dangling, with pen and paper in hand, nothing could stop me from etching out words. But when I was far from the noise of the waves, far from the salty sea breeze, suddenly this inspiration would leave me, and I would feel incredibly empty and flat. Now it’s not as if I always long to be with the ocean, however when I am far from it, my heart begins to ache, and when my feet eventually lead me back to the ocean shores, my soul breathes a heavy sigh, of relief, as if to say, “At last, I am home”.